My CrossFit-iversary

During my blogging hiatus I missed two big milestones for me: a) it has officially been two years since I started my weight loss journey (started in May 2011 at 300lbs), and b) it has been one year since I started CrossFit in May 2012 (or February 2012 if you count the two months of bootcamp).

I want to compare where I am to where I started two years ago, but honestly it’s almost impossible because my baseline for everything was pretty much 0. The number of push-ups I have done in my life before May 2011? 0. That’s not a typo – I had never been able to lift my body off the ground in a plank position, ever. My 1 mile time before May 2011? Never ran it start to finish without walking. The number of pull-ups that I had ever completed? 0. You get the idea. How am I supposed to compare where I am now to where I was if I can’t even to a simple percentage, because I can’t divide by 0?

Doing a pull up at Reebok CrossFit

Needless to say, I am a completely different person than who I was two years ago. And even if I can’t necessarily measure my progress with concrete improvements and percentages, I don’t really need to – the differences are pretty evident.

But, one year after CrossFit is a different story.

When I started bootcamp, I had already lost 50 pounds. I ran my first mile (over 3 miles actually) shortly after starting CrossFit. I did my first push ups, and later my first unassisted pull ups, while in a CrossFit class. So, I might talk about it a lot (maybe too much), but obviously it holds a special place in my fitness journey.

My first CrossFit competition this past Winter

So, just some big changes that I’ve seen over the last year and a few months of CrossFit:

• When I started bootcamp and we jumped over a PVC pipe, I had to jump, stop, catch my balance, and then jump. Now when we jump over our barbells I can do them all unbroken and more fluidly
• I constantly finished in last in the class. Now I’ll still finish in last at times, but I’ll also finish in first in the class at times, and usually pretty consistently I’m somewhere in the middle
• I took 2 minutes off my 5K row
• I’ve taken minutes off of my 5K run
• I’ve improved on every benchmark workout we’ve done
• I have increased my strength dramatically – increasing my back squat by 40 pounds, increasing my clean by 40 pounds, and my snatch by 25 pounds
• I have learned how to successfully do double unders, and now can string at least 50 together pretty consistently
• I have climbed a 15 foot rope (I hate heights, so I still don’t do these during WODs, but I can do it if I have time and don’t feel rushed)

400m runs with a #45 bag for the “31 Heroes” WOD a few weeks ago

So, yes. I might talk about it a lot. And there are lots of other fitness solutions – and CrossFit isn’t the only answer for fitness. But it is the answer for me at this point in my life. And I am very proud of the work I’ve been able to do there, and the gains I’ve made. Could I have made this progress elsewhere? Maybe. But the community and support I get from the other people who go and the trainers are unmatched in anything I’ve ever experienced. And I really attribute their support and guidance for a lot of my progress.

The class I did the “31 Heroes” WOD with

So, happy belated CrossFit-iversary to me! I can’t wait to see what another year there will do!

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“The Stigma of Obesity” – Guest Post!

Sorry for the delay in posts. We got a lot of great feedback from our recent series on “The Stigma of Obesity.” This is a guest post from Meg’s sister (and therefore my sister-in-law) Katie in response to the series (based on this article by Mark Sisson). Here are links to Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, and Part V. For the record – she sent this to me after Part II of the series, but I’ve just been holding on to it because I was going to post it after the series, and then we pretty much didn’t update our blog at all last week due to lots of stuff going on. So, anyway – sorry it’s late!

And thanks for sharing Katie!

Katie and Meg before taking on the half marathon last fall.

I probably know more about health, nutrition and weight loss than you do. Want to burn one pound a week? Then you need a 3,500 calorie deficit. Parsley is a great way to detoxify in your green juice that you make. Interval training burns more calories. You need strength training to build muscles and that will burn more fat. You need to deal with your emotional problems behind why you eat the wrong foods. I know where to buy local grass-fed beef and have bought a quarter cow with my boyfriend and his family. Good fats are not bad. Oh and I’ve tried butter in my coffee.

I’ve done work out videos, classes, kettlebells, yoga and I ran a half marathon. I am a member of a gym and go at least three times a week.

Would you be surprised to learn that I am extremely overweight? I am too. But I am.

Katie and her boyfriend, Ryan

People see me and automatically assume they know me. They assume what I eat or what I do in my spare time. I’ve gotten used to nurses looking startled when my blood pressure is so good, used to them ignoring my inquisitions into why I’m not losing weight and instead telling me to cut out carbs or change my work out routine interrupting me mid sentence as I plea my case. I’ve gotten used to people looking at me like I’m a pathological liar when I tell them I ran a half marathon.

But here I am, relatively healthy as an ox except for my weight. I did have a problem with a stomach ulcer this year but that was due to a dairy and yeast allergy that I didn’t find out about until after a colonoscopy, endoscopy, several doctors visits and finally a visit with a Naturopathic Doctor.

I don’t have a choice if I want what I want out of life to keep plugging away and researching and putting in the time and effort in the gym and watching what I put in my body. So I’m still moving forward and focusing on what I can do instead of giving up.

But regardless of that it would be wonderful to have people look at me as a person instead of the extra jiggle around my stomach. Obese people have almost become the lepers of society. I was told by someone very close to me when I was in college that if I lost weight I’d have an easier time getting a job and when I got a job that said person credited it in part to a big chunk of weight that I had lost at the time not mentioning my actual talent as a photographer or hard work ethic. It made me feel like who I was as a person was not enough and has made it hard for me to believe I am enough. And that is only one of the many derogatory comments that have been made to me from a wide variety of people. People seem to think it’s okay to yell out “Fat A**” out their window at you, it’s not.

And society fuels that. We are inundated with diets, nutritional information, magazines headlines, models and tv shows constantly berating us for our weight. Although there are people out there who believe it’s okay to be overweight I truly believe most of us who are overweight know that it isn’t and don’t want to be but don’t want to admit that to people because they are afraid to fail. But we are aware that everyone is trying to change us at all times helping to perpetuate a cycle that tells us we just aren’t up to par in the game of life.

But what is the solution? Should obesity be overlooked? Absolutely not. But it should be handled with support, encouragement and very very gentle words of direction. It should also be followed by affirmation that who you are as a person is enough.

And not how people reacted to this: http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/im-overweight-boyfriends-not-big-freaking-deal-134800157.html.

You might have read about this girl, Gloria, who wrote an article about her boyfriend being skinny and she is overweight. People on social media blew up at her and said some horrible things about her and their relationship. It’s as if society wants the fat people just to stay together and that overweight people are not recognized as equals but as instead a lesser than human.

So the point of my rant – you might be shaking your head in agreement while reading this but preconceived ideas of overweight people have probably been creeping in your head without you even knowing. I have done it myself and I am overweight. I’ll see a larger person eating a second cupcake and in my mind give myself a pat on the back that I haven’t had a cupcake for a month (although I did have one last night hehe). It might be a glance at an overweight person who is bigger than me and telling myself at least I am not that large. It might be being frustrated because I have to sit next to a larger person and I have less room in mine and feel crowded.

It is so easy to judge a book by its cover especially when it comes to obesity but if our obesity crisis is ever going to end society needs to stop making obesity attached to a stigma that only makes sinking into the heavy weight hole deeper easier and focus on the person and reinforcing that they are worth the happiness they seek in health.

Katie after a “Color Me Rad” race

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“The Stigma of Obesity” – Part V

This is the fifth and final part of my five-part series on “The Stigma of Obesity.” It is based on this article by Mark Sisson. Here are the links to Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV.

I’ve talked a lot about other people’s biases, and the prejudices and stereotypes by which others judge obese people. What I haven’t talked about is the way that I view obesity.

And it’s not pretty.

You would think, after all of my hand-wringing and clutching of pearls that I would avoid being part of the problem. You would think that after my lamenting of how I was the victim of these prejudices and stereotypes that I would avoid contributing to them at all costs. You would think these things – but the truth is that I am as guilty as the next person.

When I see an obese person that I don’t know, often times I hold the same preconceived notions. I think “He/she should get off the couch every once in a while” Or “Maybe he/she should put down the ho-ho’s and go for a run.” Or “He/she contributes to why medical insurance is increasing at such high rates in this country.” The stigma still exists even within myself.

Now, often times I recognize this and try to consciously change my perception. I remind myself that only two years ago I was that person. I remind myself that maybe the journey hasn’t started for them yet. Or, maybe the journey has started and they’ve already made significant progress. I don’t know what they are struggling with, I don’t know their story, and I certainly do not hold the right to judge a stranger because of their weight.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my knee-jerk reaction, more often than not, is to judge him or her.

If I’m truly honest with myself that is one of the reasons this series was hard to write, and it is one of the reasons I needed to write it. As I read the original article by Mark Sisson I first felt sorry for myself. But as I reflected on it, I realized that I have become part of the problem. And that is why over the last two months I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I’ve been dwelling on it ever since I read the article, and have struggled with my own role in this conversation.

It is easy to see fault in others. It is much harder to identify it in ourselves. My dad once told me that the thing you hate most about other people is most often the thing you secretly hate most about yourself.

I believe the best thing I could have done was to write about it. Now it is out in the open. I understand the stigma better, both through the lens of other people and through my own eyes. It will be another step in my own recovery, and my own healing.

But the best unintended consequence of all of this is I found I am not alone.

Through the comments I received, both on this blog and on my Facebook posts linking to the blog, I found that this is an issue that many other people face. Friends and family who have also lost weight shared with me about how they also struggle with judging others. And not only did I find I wasn’t alone, but I was able to identify why it was that I felt this strongly about it.

My mom pointed out that this behavior is learned. Just because I was obese doesn’t mean that I didn’t learn the same stereotypes as my friends. If anything, I had front row seats! I was probably just as biased and held the same prejudices when I was obese, it just wasn’t as safe then for me to feel or express them as it is now.

Furthermore, a friend pointed out that his own self-sacrifice had fueled his criticism. He said “here I am restricting how much and what I eat and then here is this person eating whatever they want without a care in the world.” I found this very much was true with me too. I am going to the gym X amount of times per week. I am restricting all sugar from my diet except for one meal per week. I am saying no to the birthday cake at work, or the muffin with breakfast, or even the dressing on my salad. I am getting up at 4am to go to the gym, and going back to the gym immediately after work. Why should this person get to do whatever the heck they want when I have to go to such great lengths to control my own weight???

As my friend pointed out – he was jealous. And so am I. And that is an ugly reason to judge others. But now that I know that, hopefully I can start to change my own perceptions, and hopefully I can become an advocate to others instead of tearing them down.

I hope everyone has enjoyed reading this series as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I hope it has challenged you as much as it has challenged me. I (as always) welcome any and all comments and feedback you have on it. I already have one guest post that a family member wrote in response to the series, and I hope that this conversation can continue. The more we talk about it, the closer we get to removing this stigma. And I think that is the best possible resolution we can have.

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“The Stigma of Obesity” – Part IV

This is the fourth part of a five-part series on “The Stigma of Obesity”, based on this article by Mark Sisson. Here are links to Part I, Part II, and Part III.

This part is focusing on the notion that stigmas may still exist even after people lose weight. Mark Sisson links to this abstract of a study that found that even after people lost weight, there was a higher degree of bias against them then against those who had not lost weight. Basically, these people were still susceptible to the same prejudices, stereotypes, and judging even after they lost weight!

This is an odd concept to me – and one I hadn’t given serious thought to until I read this article. Why would a bias still exist even after the obesity is no longer an issue? I honestly have no idea if this has been the case for me or not. Have I been the victim of this and not known?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions. As we all know – you can’t believe everything you read, but the more I think about it, the more I think there might be two large causes for this: 1. When people who knew you have the stereotypes already ingrained in their perception; and 2. when you embody the stereotypes yourself.

Perceptions Are Hard to Change

I couldn’t figure out how to download the whole study from that abstract (if you know how – let me know!), but it seemed like the participants did not necessarily know the people before their weight loss. So this is purely conjecture on how this might apply in everyday life. But, if you knew someone who was obese, and you had these perceptions already – either consciously or subconsciously, then it stands to reason that those perceptions may not necessarily change with the weight loss.

For example – if you knew me before my weight loss, and you subconsciously associated me with lazy or careless because of it, then just because I lost weight doesn’t necessarily mean that subconsciously you don’t still view me as lazy. If it was a conscious bias, then that would be easier to adjust. But if it was subconscious, which I suspect most of the biases that we’ve been talking about over the last several posts are, then those are much harder to change because you can’t openly follow the logical conclusion that they should change with the weight loss.

Again – I don’t know if this is a valid reason or not – but it certainly seems like a possibility.

Embodying the Bias

This one feels like it’s more plausible (not that they both can’t be right). I wrote before about how being fat wasn’t just an adjective for me, but it truly became part of my personality – part of who I was. And it still is part of who I am back in my mind. It’s been over 2 years since I started my weight loss, and almost a full year since I hit the 100 pound mark. And I STILL in the back of my mind view myself as obese. I still resist making fat jokes about myself when in social situations, for example: I had pie Saturday night and I went for a second serving and I almost make the joke – “don’t get between a fat guy and pie” – until I realized that it wouldn’t be funny, because it didn’t really apply.

Furthermore, I wrote before about how I tended to champion these attributes. It’s easier to make fun of myself and to laugh with others, than to have other people make the joke and laugh at me. So I would be the first one to crack a joke. I would purposely act goofy or exaggerate the traits people associate with obesity (like jolly or food-crazy).

Therefore, if these stereotypes become ingrained in our personality, it would make sense that we continue to perpetuate the same biases that we are trying to shed. If I continue to portray myself as being aloof and goofy, then it is no wonder other people would still hold the same biases, even after the weight has been lost.

In other words: losing the weight is not enough, we also have to lose the defense mechanisms we have learned.

I struggled while writing this post. I keep ending my posts with the common refrain that I don’t have a lot of answers, just more questions, but this holds true on this particular post more than any other. It is a deflating idea that even after all of the hard work of weight loss that these stigmas may still exist. It’s even more deflating to think that the reason these stigmas still exist are our own fault! That the reason they exist are our own defense mechanisms and the way we carry ourselves. That even though we may benefit from the physical advantages of the weight loss – we are still losing the social advantages of our weight loss because of our own self-sabotaging behavior.

I don’t know if this has been the case for me or not. I’d really be interested in hearing other people’s perspectives on this topic because I am really confused on this one. What do you think – is there still a stigma that exists even after weight loss? Have you experienced it?

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